Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Turnaround

It's been quite awhile since I wrote in here. I guess that's because things have settled down a bit. I don't have a job right now, and I should admit that I worry about money a lot, but I have been amazed by two things. One is how little it actually takes to live. I have discovered a lot of things I can do without. The other is that God does provide when you put your trust in him, and I really am hopeful that a job is just around the corner.

I think things got more stable a few months ago, as I neared my one-year mark here in Baltimore. A lot of friends had told me that it would take awhile to get truly adjusted in a new city. But I was impatient, and I let the natural growing pains get to me and make me depressed. I was kind of a pain to be around during that time, and I'm sure a lot of people were waiting for the funk to pass.

And then it did. I think one morning I just woke up and realized that my prospects here in Baltimore were actually quite good. I had made a lot of good, honest friends. I had found a wonderful church where I was baptized into a truly loving community that lives for Christ. A lot of relationships that needed healing had found themselves healed. Others were (and are) more-or-less the same, but I have actual hope that they will heal one day, and my life doesn't have to stop while I wait patiently.

Maybe it was because I moved to a new apartment, closer to my friends and my church. Maybe it's because I got more organized. Maybe it's because God finally thought that I had learned my lesson. And what is that lesson? Well, I suppose it's that I can get through anything. Not on my own, of course, but then again, I'm not ever really alone. For the longest time up here, I felt like I simply couldn't do it. If you know part of what I was going through for the first eight months or so up here, you know that I wanted to quit and move back to North Carolina.

But I didn't quit, and even though life up here still has its challenges, concerns and stresses -- money being one of them, grades being another -- I have a lot more resolve than I once had. I trust God to carry me through. I trust that true friends will stand by me, even though I know I can be a high-strung, Type A, aggressive, moody, desperate, temperamental, abrasive personality. But I also know my good points, and the great gifts that God has given me. And I really hope that people will understand and appreciate them, and look past the bad stuff. I hope to love and to feel loved in return. But I know that even if I don't, I'll still make it. Things have turned around, and they'll keep turning.

3 comments:

  1. I'm really glad things have improved for you. And I'm glad you're trusting God more. That can help you get through things so much easier, because in the end you know God's gonna make everything just as it should be.

    Stay well, my friend! :)

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  2. So nice to read something so positive! ^_^ You brightened my day. A good lesson and experience, thanks for sharing!

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  3. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but chastity is about desire to become more spiritual and I don't see that in you. Your decision as a child to hate your sexual nature is your problem, not religion, religion's just a mask you wear to reinforce your deluded will your sad ego has produced. Your whole sexual trek is based in shame and guilt around your nature of which YOU have chosen to call an abomination. Chastity for you is nothing more than a wishful pipe-dream in hopes it will save your confused and shuttered mind.

    And so it goes .....

    ---Chastity built on guilt has but a fool for a servant---

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